As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
