I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
