he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
