How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
