So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
