I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
