Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
