youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize