just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
