There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize