just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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