Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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