OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
