omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
