is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
im on a boat
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