...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
