so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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