Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
