im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
