you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize