My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
