if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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