Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize