Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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