Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
