Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
