I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
