i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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