Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
