dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
