What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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