Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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