The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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