I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
