my mouth tastes like poor choices
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
