maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
