everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
