I'm really into asian looking animals
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
