I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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