why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
