Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
