they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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