Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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