good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
