i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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