I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
