literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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