If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
