You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
