From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
