I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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