Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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