She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
