time to smoke my breakfast
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
