Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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