$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
