The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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