Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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