i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
