idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
