I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
