a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
