I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
