Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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