I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
