I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize