Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
