you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
