are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
