While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
