If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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