I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
