Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
