How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
