Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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