i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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