I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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