I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
