I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
