we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize