she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
