KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
