I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This gyro tastes like lonliness
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
