This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
