I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
