I accidentally had phone sex last night
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
