you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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