He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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