Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
