I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
