i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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