Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
